Today is the day. Today My squad of 43 is getting on a plane to fly to Costa Rica. We will be abroad for the next 11 months. That’s crazy! And honestly, almost all of this next year is unknown. Here is quite literally everything we know: We will be in Costa Rica for 6 weeks and then we will be in Guatemala following that. Everything else is up in the air. And I mean everything.
As I sit at the Fort Lauderdale airport for a 6-hour layover, my heart is so excited! But in full vulnerability, this week has also been incredibly hard. The Lord has taken me to a whole new level of what it means to count the costs of following Him. I have taught on this so many times. Heck, it is the very challenge that led me to World Race… the fact that the reward in the parable of the talents was based on risk rather than return. My head understands it so incredibly well, but my heart has been challenged more deeply than ever before.
This is going to be a little vague just because it has to be. But, over the past few months I have watched the Lord show up in a way that is truly the Ephesians 3:20 immeasurably more than I could’ve ever asked or imagined with something that has been a lifelong prayer. I wasn’t looking for it at all, and He brought it. And it captured my heart in a way that I didn’t know was possible. The reality that saying yes to World Race leaves that gift/opportunity that I have so longed for completely uncertain is scary. I don’t think I have ever really seen anything that He has asked me to lay down before as truly costly, but this one is.
The stakes are raised this time. The idea of uncertainty around career never made me hesitate. Having to say goodbye to friends and family for a year never wrecked me. Those are known upon return. People’s opinions of me have never really been a struggle. But this one is hard. It is a joy that I have so longed for. I have experienced a joy that has been so elusive for so long. The Lord has been so incredibly sweet and gracious with this gift and everything that led to it. And yet the second that gift came to fruition, He asked me to immediately lay it down. There is so much uncertainty around what the gift might look like 11 months from now. My heart so desires for that gift to still be offered a year from now, but I have absolutely no control. He is asking me to be so convinced of His goodness that I fully trust Him with the outcome. And that is HARD.
As beautiful as the past few months have been, it has made this “yes” that much harder.
But, here is what I can tell you: He is worth my “yes”, regardless of what I might lose over the next 11 months. Potentially losing this gift terrifies me. And as much as my heart might still be wrestling through it, He is convincing me of His goodness more and more. He is convincing me how sweet the place of dependence is more and more. One thing lasts for a lifetime and one thing lasts for eternity. I know that there is so much beauty to come over this next year. I am genuinely so excited for what He has in store. I can’t wait to see the ways that the Lord chooses to break me down to build me back up again!
Saying yes is HARD. Saying yes is scary. But there is a beautiful song that comes to mind. It is a song that an incredibly special family sang over me right before I left for launch. Its lyrics state:
“He never told me that it would be easy. He said suffering would come, but He promised peace”
Thank you Jesus that joy and peace can reign in any, and every, situation because of the cross and resurrection!
